keelyblog

There are so many strange encounters that lead me to staying up all night and worrying about things. I guess it didn’t help that my daughter had nightmares this evening and I spent time just listening to her breath. But in the end I am worried about women again. Always worried about women. Why can’t they (we) say “NO!” or even better, “KISS MY ASS!” ? And why do we not talk more about the pleasure of labor and birth? Why are women denied this? Why are those who talk about the euphoria only listened to when “preaching to the choir” so to speak?

I am obsessed with birth. I talk about it. I bring it up at every opportunity. This is surely annoying to most people, but it is the only way in my power to fight the nonsense. The nonsense I refer to is fear of birth. Fear of life, really.

Today I had a chance meeting with a man I knew 8 years ago. He doesn’t have children, and I am not even sure he wants any. And I, of course, can’t talk to anyone longer than a minute without mentioning birth. He made a joke or two, like any polite, but uncomfortable, person would do when confronted with socially inappropriate behavior. I am socially inappropriate.

When I was 19, a friend explained to me the names of the drugs I should get while in labor. This kind of talk is out there! My prayer is that with every mention of labor euphoria, I counteract a conversation about epidurals, electronic fetal monitors, and synthetic oxytocin.

So here goes:
Labor Euphoria
There is more than just pain. When labor is allowed to take it’s natural course, and a mother releases herself to the process, it is the most amazing feeling. The brain starts to buzz with natural oxytocin (the “love” hormone). When the pain comes, be part of it. Move into the pain. Deep, yogic, breathing will send an oxygen rush to the already buzzing head. Sit in the contraction like you would the eye of storm. Everything swirls around you and you are at peace. When the contraction passes, so does the storm. Labor and birth is an animal activity, and you must be an animal to enjoy it–to get the optimal outcome for you and the baby. Move when you feel it. And Moan when you feel it. Somewhere mixed with the pain, and buzzing, and oxygen rush, you will reach Oz.

As a moderate person, I have friends both extremely more liberal and extremely more conservative, as myself. I have a friend nearing the end of her pregnancy. Before finding out about their upcoming joy, they lived a much wilder life than I do. My friend’s boyfriend had one of the most profound, and accurate, description of labor that I have ever heard from a man. He said that labor is like an hallucinogenic “trip”. That if you try to make it go a certain direction, it will turn out bad. But if you release and go with the flow it will be amazing. This is true.

At the end of this painful and euphoric work are the two best gifts of all. One, of course, is the baby. But the second is a hormonal flooding of your body. An extremely powerful high. Combine an athlete’s high with a pseudo-hallucinogenic altered state and the strongest orgasm, and multiply by 1000. If you tamper with the process along the way, you miss this. I do not believe there is a drug, legal or illegal, that can simulate it. Men are completely out of luck. This is just one more way that God/Nature has rewarded women for the hard work of being mothers–and encouraged them to do it again.

Women talk about enduring labor to have another baby. There are not enough women, outside of certain circles, who talk about enjoying it. I will. And I will continue to be socially inappropriate until the majority of women–and men who care about women–in this country tell the policy-makers (malpractice insurance companies) to kiss their collective ass and stop interfering with a perfecting everything experience!